The Lace Dress

I recently posted a short snippet of our wedding video on my Instagram.

This wasn’t the original video we had made. Our wedding videographer, Jubsi put together some great clips but it wasn’t really “us”. They shot some amazing footage and were kind enough to give me the raw clips.

Last week, I passed them to Moo, my little sister and said “you know what to do”. She has this weirdly cool way of putting together videos and I’m a huge fan of her editing style. When she showed me what she had come up with, I instantly wanted to share it with everyone!

Within the hour, I got a few sweet comments about how much some people liked the video, and a few people commented on the dress I wore for our nikah. So I think it’s finally time to tell you the story of the lace dress.

I didn’t know what to wear for the nikah – do I wear a baju kurung? Should I get something made? Do I rent an outfit from a bridal shop? I was confused and browsed Pinterest for inspiration and guidance. I settled on the idea of a slinky dress but was still open to other options.

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Possible dream wedding dress! One of my shortlisted looks.

So Mims and I shopped around. We thought we’d be thrifty and buy something nice but cheap from H&M. They have so many nice white boho style dresses! We did get a very sweet dress from there, but didn’t end up wearing it (I wore it for my berinai brunch instead, haha).

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Cute boho-esque dress from H&M

After trying on so many white, taupe, off-white, pearl, beige dresses, I fell in love with this gorgeous slinky dress from Ms Selfridge at ISETAN. It was fitting to the body, had amazing beaded detailing, felt like the ‘right kind of heavy’ when you held the material and glittered whenever it walked – I was sold! The only con – it didn’t have sleeves and there was huge cutout to show off your sexy back.

I.Did.Not.Care.

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The Ms Selfridge dress! Yes, that’s my best attempt at photo-shopping out aurat.

We bought it and after gliding around in it at home we decided to secure all the beads on the dress by re-sewing on the beads. For weeks Mims and I sat in front of the TV, went through and tightened all the beads with extra strong thread, fixed the spots that were missing a few beads and knotted everything up nice and tight. We finally completed the whole dress after a few weeks (it’s a lot harder than you think!) and went to a tailor. He said he would put in chiffon sleeves that matched the champagne colour of the dress and close up the hole in the back. Awesome, cool, thank you Mr. Tailor!

We went to pick it up five days before the nikah and when I tried it on I burst into tears. He had spoiled my dress. All he did was was cut  cloth into a basic shirt top and tacked it into the dress. I looked like a blinged out milk maid. I cried, I was so confused and angry. I didn’t want to pay him for the crappy job he did. How could he do this to me!?

Instantly Mims went into problem solving mode and took me back to the mall and we had to start the hunt all over again. I couldn’t get over my beaded dress and refused to look at anything. Everything looked so ugly! Nothing would ever come close to my champagne Ms Selfridge dress!

She made me try on a lace dress in Parkson that was way too big. “I hate it, I can’t get married in this.” Yes, 25 year old Iman threw a tantrum in the middle of the department store and a few ladies stared at my bridal meltdown. I sulked for a few minutes and Mims told me to get a grip. We have to find something and move on with life, she said #toughlove

We found a simple lace dress and decided that it was good enough. I didn’t want to get married in “good enough”, I deserved more than that #dramaqueenmuch

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Not happy about this dress – can you tell?

Our neighbour came over and said that she’d help us take the dress in a bit around the loose areas and sew on some lace beading on the sleeves and waist. When I went to try the lace dress on the day before the nikah, I thought “okay, not so bad lah. I could get married in this.” I still didn’t love it, but it was something.

The morning of the nikah, I got my make up done, put on the dress and veil, and went off to the hall. I got there, everyone was waiting, Ashraf came, he said the right things, and then I became his wife. I don’t remember the lace dress, I don’t remember the heartache of looking like a bedazzled Dutch Lady mascot, I don’t remember the agony of finding the right thing to wear.

All I remember was Ashraf and how happy I felt. I only think about the lace dress when I go down to get a pair of shoes from Mims’ closet and I see it hanging there, and when I watch our wedding video.

Lesson: it really doesn’t matter what you wear, all that matters is the man you’re going to marry. And as cheesy and stupid as this sounds, it’s completely true. Yes, you still have to look good, but you won’t die if you don’t get the first, second of even third choice dress. So don’t stress over it too much k!

Posted in Malaysia, Marriage, Self Development, Wedding | 5 Comments

Hearing Impaired

My ear popped.

I was at my in-laws for buka puasa two weeks ago and as I was lying down to give our nephew a kiss, I heard the loudest POP in my right ear. And then, silence.

Actual silence. Then our nephew whimpered a bit and I realised I could hear out of my left ear, but my right – nada. Nothing. NOTHING. I wasn’t freaked out by the ‘not being able to hear’ part, because honestly my ears get blocked quite often (once in Ottawa, my ears were blocked for almost a whole summer, and then they just randomly fixed themselves one morning, weird) – I’d say like twice a year for a few days?

What DID freak me out was the ‘pop’ sound I hear. Imagine a firework going off in your ear, that’s what it sounded like. LOUD.

I told Ashraf about it, and we both thought it was just another ear episode and it would unblock on its own, but after a week I decided that I couldn’t take it anymore. I started getting massive headaches that would just linger around my temples and a ringing sound in my ear that just wouldn’t stop.

It’s so annoying not being able to hear. I had to actually turn my left ear towards someone if they were speaking to me from the right. Some friends at work would even come up real close to me, and move their mouths silently as if they were talking, just to annoy me (you know who you are). Being a part of conversations were hard. Answering questions were tough because I wasn’t sure what they were saying!

I worked at the store for a day to help with the Raya crowd. I was helping someone in the changing room and I thought she asked me “Do I look good?” I was about to nod enthusiastically (because she really did!) but something in my gut made me say “sorry, could you repeat that?” – and then I figured that she actually said “Do I look fat?”

Can you imagine if I had actually nodded!? I would’ve been fired. She would’ve yelled at me. It would’ve been bad…

So all that to say, after intense nagging from Mims and Ashraf basically having to drag me to the emergency room, we got a diagnosis. I had an ear infection and a ruptured eardrum.

HOW does someone break an ear drum you may ask? I have no idea.

I don’t listen to excessively loud music with my earphones, no one has hit my ear before, and I haven’t been yelled at recently. The doctor at the emergency room gave me antibiotics and ear-drops that would last me a week and sent us along.

“THIS IS IT,” I thought,”I’ll be able to hear again!”

Big lie – the medicine provided no sense of relief whatsoever and I was still walking around reading lips for another week.

The second day of raya was the worst. I couldn’t help but break down crying in the car on the way to Ashraf’s aunt’s house. My ears were swollen, I couldn’t hear at all and I was just so frustrated.

Ashraf decided to go back to KL immediately; so we drove from Singapore all the way back to the emergency room. (Tip: when your husband is exhausted from driving, find Kevin Hart comedy videos on YouTube and rig it to your car speakers – works like a charm. Ashraf laughed so hard during the last two hours of the journey)

We got the emergency room and saw other people who were also in their baju kurungs and raya clothes. A very nice doctor looked into my ear and said “oh boy, that looks quite bad” – no kidding. The antibiotics obviously didn’t work so she gave us a referral to see an Ear, Nose, Throat (ENT) Specialist. We saw him the next day and he took a little peek in my ear and said, “girl, you got glue ear.”

I beg your pardon?

He took a fancy looking stick that had a camera attached to the end and manoeuvred it through my ear, and suddenly we were looking at my eardrum on the screen. It was SO cool (other than the ear wax that was chilling there, but you know what I mean).

Doctor Koh explained that I had phlegm behind my eardrum. Usually taking medicine would drain it out, but by this time my ear had been in this condition for two weeks so the only option was from him to drain it out.

Excuse me?

He had to do a ‘minor procedure’ to fix me. He put numbing cream in my ear and let it sit for an hour, and then I was invited on to his chair where he basically made an incision in my eardrum, drained/sucked out the phlegm and then inserted a little tube (or ‘grommet’ as they say in the medical world)in the incision. He left the grommet in my ear and said it’ll drop off within 6 months as the cut closes.

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Yes, I’m walking around with a tube in my ear! It’s so tiny, but if you put a flashlight at my ear and peek in, you can see it!

The procedure went fine. But it was a little scary because I could hear everything. EVERYTHING. If I thought the POP was loud, this was worse. 20 minutes of non stop fireworks and drills going off in my head, add that to the feeling of deep digging in my ear (like Q-tipping, but going even farther than you KNOW you should)

Alhamdulillah the procedure went well and even though it didn’t give me ‘instant relief’ like Doctor Koh promised, I still felt 50% better. I even swore to Ashraf that I had super hearing for a while – “did you hear that car go by?” “did someone just cough three rooms down?” “I can hear my heartbeat!” – he was not impressed. Boys.

Posted in Health and Wellness, Marriage | 4 Comments

It’s already June?!

I’ve been having a bit of trouble writing lately. It’s not because I don’t have anything to say (trust me. I have A LOT on my mind) or that I don’t know how to say it (trust me. I KNOW how to talk) but it’s because I seem to be running low on hours – do you know we only have 24 in a day?

It seems crazy to me how fast the days, weeks and months seem to pass by insanely quickly. I can barely remember what I did last Monday (I was in Brunei, it was awesome) let alone even have the time to think about how jam packed my life has been since the start of the year. It’s the middle of the year, guys – it’s already June!

It’s not that I’m not appreciative of all the fun things I’ve done and constantly get to do, it just gets to me sometimes that Life seems fast paced. Every day feels like a never ending routine and rush. I rarely get to do things ‘for me’ because it seems like I don’t have time fully for myself.

And I think. I think a lot. About work, about Ashraf, our families, work, about GB, what to wear, issues that aren’t mine, when we should buy groceries, problems that don’t necessarily affect me – I’m thinking, alwayssss thinking.

Add the thinking with things I actually need to do and the days just zoom by – I’m up early, I like to make sure the apartment is clean before I leave, I’m at work all day (doing this, that and things in between), and when I come home I can’t just veg out. I want to spend time with Ashraf, make dinner, check emails, reply messages, and the odd household chore (okay, does anyone else have trouble with impulse mopping and bathroom washing?! I seem to want to vacuum, mop floors and organise kitchen cabinets in between the hours of midnight to 3AM. It’s a problem)

I am having a bit trouble fitting in things that I like to do. But what do I like to do?

I talked to a friend about this today and she said that I have to find a happy place, a place that fulfils me and somewhere to go that makes me ‘me’. Her happy place is her blog, where she can go to and write, where suddenly balance is restored in her world.

I don’t know if this blog is my happy place, I’m going to give it a shot, and be more diligent in writing, so we’ll keep this space as a potential happy place🙂

I tried colouring over the weekend, maybe that’s my thing. But after 14 minutes of intense concentration, I couldn’t care less if the stripes were blue or pink, so I gave up. Colouring – not my happy place.

Our new home makes me happy (okay, will blog about that soon!), but I can’t stare at the white walls for too long before I feel the need to cover it in useless things from IKEA.

Watching TV makes me happy, but also makes me feel lazy. Reading makes me happy, but it has to be right kind of book and when I’m in the right kind of mood. Cooking – meh. Working out makes me SO happy, I really have to get back into that (ugh, I am so afraid of getting back into shape, it’s going to be so tough, but I’m going to do it!) Playing board games make me happy, but it’s hard to find someone to play with me all the time. Clearing my inbox makes me insanely happy, but there are only so many emails you get sent in a day.

I do have so many things on my personal to-do list that I want to achieve (yes, I have more than one to-do list). I want to finish editing and uploading my vlogs, the second half of a video with GB, I want to finish two books that I’ve started, there are a few friends who are waiting for long-novel-like-emails from me, I need to clear out my Facebook, I want to re-iron some shirts (that’s a thing, don’t judge me!) and the list goes on.

I am confident that once  I find my happy place, Life will not seem as rushed and everything will be good again – not that everything isn’t good and beautiful and wonderful now, it is, but I need to realise that in order to be happy in my marriage, relationships, at work and at home, I must be happy with me. And honestly, I’m not very happy with me right now.

Me needs to know when to watch less Jane the Virgin, and do more prayer during Ramadan. Me needs to stop worrying about what I’m eating, and work out when I promised myself I would. Me needs to make time for things I like to do, instead of whining about the lack of time or things. Me needs to stop making excuses and just do whatever I want (that’s good for me).

So right now, Me would love a pineapple Crush (you haven’t had one?! You have never LIVED!) while I watch these kitchen floors dry.

Okay, it was kind of nice just letting these random thoughts go off into internet land. I think tomorrow will be another great day. Thanks for reading this, guys – fistbump, okay, goodnight!

 

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Wrapping up Love, Vivy

I was asked to join a random meeting on my first day at FashionValet. “We’re in talks to film our own reality show, and you’re going to be in it,” GB said. “Oh okay, sure”

I mean, it was my first day, I couldn’t say no.

I followed our Head of Marketing to The Gardens and sat through my very first lunch meeting (those are SO tricky, do you order what you really want, or the cheapest thing on the menu?) where they talked about shooting a show revolving around my new boss. I was so lost, and just remembered taking a lot of random notes, and I smiled a lot. A LOT.

Almost six months later and we finally wrapped up the final scene for Love, Vivy tonight. I am usually involved in organizing the shoots but I had no details about tonight’s schedule. All I knew was the time and place – that’s it (I was dying inside!)

I don’t want to say too much, because you’ll hopefully get to see it soon but I just wanted to write down a note of gratitude so I don’t forget (gratitude is such a powerful emotion to feel, I need it more in my life).

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So much goes on behind the scenes of a show and I am grateful for everyone who’s put so much into making Love, Vivy but there are a few things that I am so thankful for right now:

I am thankful for the supportive and dedicated production crew that we have. I cannot imagine what it’s like to watch hours of GB and me giggling about the stupidest things, or have to carve out something interesting from our hour-long meetings, but they manage to find little bits of magic in our normal days. Thank you guys, for making us look super good (and super crazy) on TV.

GB – we are all here because of her, and I am so glad we get to share her with all the LV viewers. She knows how much she means to me, and how blessed I feel to have been on this crazy once-in-a-lifetime ride with her, I don’t have to spill my emotions here #saveitforwhatsapp

My husband. This man is literally the reason why I wake up and love life. There have been so many late night and early morning shoots. Days where I have to travel and go on stretches of time where we don’t see each other. Times where we’re together but I’m constantly on my phone figuring out shoot dates or organizing something last minute. He has gone through this whole experience just as much as I have and I don’t think he knows how much I appreciate his endless support. Sure there have been days where he doesn’t get why I have to be at GB’s house at 7AM, but he still drops me off and tells me to have fun. I don’t know how he puts up with me, but I am so glad he does.

So yes, Love, Vivy may be over but we will still have all these incredible memories to look back on and we’ll still have all these people who won’t leave our lives. Sure, we won’t see the crew as much as we do now, but I know that we’ll definitely see everyone again soon.

I’m sure Ashraf wouldn’t mind a bit of a break, but I’m already plotting on how we can have this opportunity again #sogreedy #naklagi #lovevivyseason2?

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You want my job – are you sure?

People constantly tell me (privately or publicly) that they “want my job” or that I have “the best job in the world” and that I am SOOO lucky.

It may seem glamorous when I’m toting behind GB at fashions shows or events, or when you see me on TV buying her a sugar donut from Starbucks. It does seem fun when we’re constantly on the go and traveling,

BUT,

…Do you know how hard it is to pee while holding three phones? It’s very difficult.

…Would you like her to call you a “bag lady” every day when you’re holding her bag, her gym bag, her son’s school bag, her work bag (filled with other bags), bags of gifts, and your own bag. It’s heavy #socialmediaabuse

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…How would it feel to tirelessly iron clothes and scarves, only to not have them worn. Extremely annoying.

…Try stuffing a Samsung charger, iPhone charger, MacBook charger, her Ollie Olympus camera, Ollie Olympus’ charger, a power bank, two kinds of Vitagen aand mints into your bag. I’ve mishapen so many bags already.

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…Can you imagine not being able to wear anything higher than kitten heels?! #goodbyemynonexistantlouboutins #iamnotallowedtobetallerthanher

…Would you like to hold up her eyelashes when they get too heavy? Who else has to do this! I’m sure even Mariah Carey has the strength to hold up her own lashes.

…To dress a 28 year old fashionista daily while she busies herself with her phone. Like literally put her legs into her pants and zip her up. It’s not a task for the weary.

…Getting woken up at 3AM with a flurry of texts that include “are you asleep?” isn’t the greatest when you’re dreaming about marrying Prince William.

…When your boss invites you to dinner but forgets to ask you what you want to eat and orders without you #whataboutme

… I somehow feel like I’m going through an extreme identity crisis. People have started saying that I now dress like her, we say the same things, or that they go to my Instagram for an “unplugged version” of her #identitycrisis

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All that to say, I still have the best job in the world. I’m not going to say much, other than I am extremely blessed and even though I know (because I have been told!) that there are lots of girls out there who would kill for my job (or tarik my tudung for it, haha!) it is still a job.

I try to give it my all when I can and I want to help GB with whatever she needs, but the most important thing for me is that I am happy, and she is happy. She makes me laugh so hard, and a day without belly-aching giggles is not a ‘real’ day. Even though hearing the clickety-clack of her heels coming down the hallway sends my mind into a frenzy (did I forget anything?! Did I bring that thing she wanted? Do I smell good enough?!), it also puts a smile on my face because it’s time to hang out (and work) with someone I consider a great friend, and amazing employer.

I would go as far as saying that she is Top 20 in my world (didn’t make it on to her list, but whatever…) This may not mean much because I don’t know many people, but oh well. She may not know it, but she inspires me to work harder and be as good as she is. I get lots of emails from people who write about how much GB means to them, even though they’ve never met her. I’m lucky enough to know her in real life, and I wish everyone could too.

All those examples above, though they seem ridiculous (but very real!) are the reasons why I am very happy these days. So yes, Alhamdulillah I have a great job.

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#mushypostisover

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Forcing Me To Blog

We arrived Jakarta last night and have had a pretty long day since.

GB is a judge on AirAsia Designer Search for KLFW 2016 and we’re travelling to five countries to find local designers who will represent their country in this regional search. We just completed the first round of auditions in Jakarta today.

It’s a bit of work for me on the lead up to the trips – finalising travel details, arranging accommodations, prepping outfits, and liaising with other parties. Then when we arrive and it’s the day of the actual audition – my job is to be bored, and GB’s turn to work hard.

Most of my day today was filled with offering her mints, tea (I only allowed one packet of sugar) and taking bathroom breaks together. When she went back to being a serious judge doing important things, I sat in a corner and snacked on salmon sandwiches while scrolling through Instagram.

Then after lunch I powered through my inbox and double checked our schedule for the next few weeks (one shoot next week, something exciting on Thursday and a lot of meetings). There was also a sprinkle of taking ‘behind the scenes’ photos for her blog post, and trying to figure out how best to take a photo of the fabulous jacket she’s wearing (we ended up taking a photo of it by the building’s poorly lit drop-off point, because the indoor lighting wasn’t the best and it was already dark outside) #fashionproblems

I enjoyed a nice dinner with GB and Mr. Boss, where I taught them more Canadian slang and they made fun of me about it immediately after. Why ask me to teach you if you’re just going to use it against me?! I usually have fun time when I spend time with them, but does it get awkward third-wheeling your bosses? Truthfully, not really.

No awkwardness, but it just make me miss Ashraf. And let’s face it, I’m the perfect third-wheel, I act as if I’m part of the relationship and completely tak tau malu sometimes- I make it easy for everyone.

A few funny selfies were taken, and now we are sitting in the hotel and I’m watching GB stuff her face with Indo Mee. She has to put up a blog post, and reply a few very important emails, but she needs to eat she says (even though we had dinner 2 hours ago).

This now seems like the most irrelevant and boring post ever – but the only reason this is being written is because GB said “you should put up a blog post tonight”. So here I am, listening to them complain about how they will never come to Canada because it’s so cold #partypoopers

GB is probably going to read this post now (or in a bit) and tell me that’s so boring and she wasted 5 minutes of her life #wehavethattypeofrelationship

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Yes, I help her hold up her eyelashes. I do everything #shesaystheywereheavy

PS: I don’t blog a lot because I don’t know what to blog about. Maybe more “short” random posts?!

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Wedding Photos: The First

My parents hosted their reception for our wedding a week after our Nikah. My mom threw herself into transforming Dewan Perdana Felda into something super magical, I haven’t finished saying ‘thank you’ yet. Does anyone have an affordable Chanel for sale? #Mimsneedsherswagbag

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Most weddings have a super cute montage of the bride and groom growing up but I wasn’t ready to show the world my half-naked baby photos. So I found a cool online app that livestreams photos on instagram that uses hashtags of your choice. I think it’s a great alternative to the traditional montage videos.

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We were lucky enough to get our baju songket tailored especially for us without an exorbitant price tag (wedding costs can seriously sky-rocket!). Mims and I picked out a gorgeous off-white, bunga tabur songket from Jakel and Mama (my Mother In Law) knew a designer who could make it for us at a reasonable price.

Trust me, I was far from a bridezilla. I was almost too laid back sometimes, haha! Honestly I just wanted what was easiest, as long as it looked nice. The only thing I truly wanted was a simple but stunning dress.

The designer made me a fitted top with beading and lace in all the right places, and I asked for a skirt inspired by this Zac Posen dress, with a little train at the back. I was so happy in my songket, I did not want to take it off at the end of the day.

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For all the future brides out there: NEVER underestimate the power of make up. Truthfully, I did not like my make up for our Nikah. It didn’t make me look (or feel) beautiful, I just rode on the bridal adrenaline and willed myself to not cry when I looked in the mirror. To this day, I can’t look at my Nikah photos without feeling crappy.

BUT, I LOVED (obsessed, crazy about, will never forget) my reception make up. I followed Farah (aka @ferra_rossa on Instagram) and literally the second my Mom told me the date for the reception, the first thing I did was book Farah. A year ahead of the wedding. I wanted her so bad.

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She is incredibly sweet and was so kind. She let me pick our make-up playlist to listen to, and didn’t think I was weird when all I wanted was Disney songs. She made me feel extremely calm and I trusted her to do whatever she wanted with my face.

It’s EXTREMELY important to trust your make-up artist and allow them to magically transform your face. All I said to Farah was I wanted a classic and clean look, but still look like myself. She delivered that and more. If anyone is looking for a make-up artist who understands what you want and gives you need, Farah is your girl!

She was eight months pregnant in this photo, look at that glow! And look at my grateful face, haha!

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We didn’t have dulang girls/boys, or a posse of bridemaids – not really my thing (alosbecauseidon’thaveenoughfriends). But I was so happy when my longest friend, Sofia (buddies since we were 2) and my best friend, Kate agreed to be the two people who walked with us into the hall, and to pretend kipas-kipas us when we were on the pelamin.

Kate is Canadian so she didn’t have a clue what was going on, but was graciously beautiful through it all. Thank you for being the best low key “bridesmaids” a girl could ever ask for.

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Mims and Mools in Variante baju kurungs. Papa and Tils in cute brown baju melayus.

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There were a lot of people who came to celebrate our day with us, and even though I didn’t know /recognize 75% of the people who were there, I am SO grateful that they took the time to attend – so a huge ‘Thank You So Very Much’ from us #Iknowthisgratitudeislike6monthstoolatebutohwell

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One for the books – a photo with my arwah Nenek’s siblings. It’s almost as if she was with us that day.

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Our beautiful family! How could a girl get so lucky – two Mamas, a Papa, an Ayah, five brothers (one not pictured), three sisters and a nephew, plus another on the way!

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Oh gosh, he makes me so happy #ishouldtellhimmoreoften

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The day was as beautiful as it was because of this incredible woman. Thank you for ‘slaving’ (not really because I was super chill) over every detail, making sure we had everything we needed and wanted, and for giving us the most beautiful wedding.

We love you, Mims. Thank you for that special day, and for every day.

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