I’ve been having a bit of trouble writing lately. It’s not because I don’t have anything to say (trust me. I have A LOT on my mind) or that I don’t know how to say it (trust me. I KNOW how to talk) but it’s because I seem to be running low on hours – do you know we only have 24 in a day?
It seems crazy to me how fast the days, weeks and months seem to pass by insanely quickly. I can barely remember what I did last Monday (I was in Brunei, it was awesome) let alone even have the time to think about how jam packed my life has been since the start of the year. It’s the middle of the year, guys – it’s already June!
It’s not that I’m not appreciative of all the fun things I’ve done and constantly get to do, it just gets to me sometimes that Life seems fast paced. Every day feels like a never ending routine and rush. I rarely get to do things ‘for me’ because it seems like I don’t have time fully for myself.
And I think. I think a lot. About work, about Ashraf, our families, work, about GB, what to wear, issues that aren’t mine, when we should buy groceries, problems that don’t necessarily affect me – I’m thinking, alwayssss thinking.
Add the thinking with things I actually need to do and the days just zoom by – I’m up early, I like to make sure the apartment is clean before I leave, I’m at work all day (doing this, that and things in between), and when I come home I can’t just veg out. I want to spend time with Ashraf, make dinner, check emails, reply messages, and the odd household chore (okay, does anyone else have trouble with impulse mopping and bathroom washing?! I seem to want to vacuum, mop floors and organise kitchen cabinets in between the hours of midnight to 3AM. It’s a problem)
I am having a bit trouble fitting in things that I like to do. But what do I like to do?
I talked to a friend about this today and she said that I have to find a happy place, a place that fulfils me and somewhere to go that makes me ‘me’. Her happy place is her blog, where she can go to and write, where suddenly balance is restored in her world.
I don’t know if this blog is my happy place, I’m going to give it a shot, and be more diligent in writing, so we’ll keep this space as a potential happy place 🙂
I tried colouring over the weekend, maybe that’s my thing. But after 14 minutes of intense concentration, I couldn’t care less if the stripes were blue or pink, so I gave up. Colouring – not my happy place.
Our new home makes me happy (okay, will blog about that soon!), but I can’t stare at the white walls for too long before I feel the need to cover it in useless things from IKEA.
Watching TV makes me happy, but also makes me feel lazy. Reading makes me happy, but it has to be right kind of book and when I’m in the right kind of mood. Cooking – meh. Working out makes me SO happy, I really have to get back into that (ugh, I am so afraid of getting back into shape, it’s going to be so tough, but I’m going to do it!) Playing board games make me happy, but it’s hard to find someone to play with me all the time. Clearing my inbox makes me insanely happy, but there are only so many emails you get sent in a day.
I do have so many things on my personal to-do list that I want to achieve (yes, I have more than one to-do list). I want to finish editing and uploading my vlogs, the second half of a video with GB, I want to finish two books that I’ve started, there are a few friends who are waiting for long-novel-like-emails from me, I need to clear out my Facebook, I want to re-iron some shirts (that’s a thing, don’t judge me!) and the list goes on.
I am confident that once I find my happy place, Life will not seem as rushed and everything will be good again – not that everything isn’t good and beautiful and wonderful now, it is, but I need to realise that in order to be happy in my marriage, relationships, at work and at home, I must be happy with me. And honestly, I’m not very happy with me right now.
Me needs to know when to watch less Jane the Virgin, and do more prayer during Ramadan. Me needs to stop worrying about what I’m eating, and work out when I promised myself I would. Me needs to make time for things I like to do, instead of whining about the lack of time or things. Me needs to stop making excuses and just do whatever I want (that’s good for me).
So right now, Me would love a pineapple Crush (you haven’t had one?! You have never LIVED!) while I watch these kitchen floors dry.
Okay, it was kind of nice just letting these random thoughts go off into internet land. I think tomorrow will be another great day. Thanks for reading this, guys – fistbump, okay, goodnight!