How strange is this?
It’s been over a year and to be honest I think I’ve only peeked back at this page a few times over the last few months and every time I see it I feel guilt. Like this overbearing weight of “you’re such an abandon-er” (I doubt that’s a real word).
I’ve come to find over the last little bit that I would like to (for now) only do things for myself. After so long of living, doing and having a purpose for others, I’ve decided to be a bit selfish and do things when I want to, the way I want to, and to not do them if I didn’t feel like it. I hope you don’t mind. This basically means weeks of lounging on our couch and vegging out on movies, re-watching FRIENDS, spending a lot of time with random ED/JK/JF videos (my fave host trio: Ellen, Jimmy and Jimmy) and finally doing those long overdue brunch dates with people who I wanted to reconnect with. And spending time with my mom, there has been a lot of that.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s been pretty awesome. The Tai-Tai Life (As per Urban Dictionary: Tai tai (太太) is a Chinese colloquial term for a wealthy married woman who does not work) is pretty much just like how I imagined it to be.
I would like to clarify though: “wealthy married woman who does not work“. I definitely am 2) married, yes very much a 3) woman and 4) currently “working” for herself but not really because I want a break – but Mashallah we are a bit further from 1) wealthy. Comfortable (with help #thankyouparentals) yes – but “wealthy” is a bit stretching it. Just so we are clear k? #evileye
I also decided to be a creep on social media and just peek into what other people were up to and not post much myself because to be honest, I have nothing interesting going on. The life of Tai-Tai’s consists of a lot of sleeping in and laundry. No one needs/wants to see that. I’ve also decided to be more intentional in my contributions to what people see on social media – there is so much to filter through these days, why would I want you to spend your valuable time going through some un-needed content from me.
I will share things, thoughts, photos, snippets of when I feel like opening up, and when I believe it might be of value to someone. Yes, sometimes I know my Instastories are pointless fun, but I guess that’s just my way of trying to be friends with you? Haha #lame
Something I’ve also realised to STOP doing is to make overarching and broad declarations. Circumstances, thoughts, perspectives change and though I know I can share my opinion, I should always be humble enough to know that I may not always feel that way about certain things. So yes, adding to my to-do list: Stop Saying Definitive Statements.
So I guess I’m just here to clear the air between us (when I say us, I mean my best friend Kate who is subscribed to this blog and the 3 other people who are too sweet to even care that I still write, haha!) and hope that shifting these gears allows me to mentally come back to this space and write, share and discuss in a judgement free, two-way friendship between us.
Because words and thoughts have been bubbling up in my mind for months now but I suppose wanting to keep things slightly private have led me to the other end of spectrum and have made me scared to write, even in my own space. But we cannot be scared friends, we must do what we feel, and let our fingers type out the words which fill our mind. And to be honest, mine is quite full to the brim!
Also, in regards to the Imandatory Read, I’ve been meaning to get that going again in the NST (I’m pretty sure the editorial team may have forgotten about me because I’ve been MIA for so long #myfault!) and I promise you that I will. I have a few article ideas written down, and the first sentence of my “comeback article” (chewahhh!) swirling around in my head. It’s just about beating the procrastinator within me and getting the sentences out.
But hey, this post is a great first step isn’t it? I am resetting everything and ready to run free forward.
It’s just about lunch time so I’m going to go pop something in the microwave, but before that: thank you for sticking around, for your many kind messages (especially the silent ones), thank you for even thinking of me. It means the world.
Sending you lots of love from my mom’s kitchen table.